Alter Burn
by HaloGoji75
Summary: Alternate realities equals alternate variations. But, how many versions of Burn are there? Just a series of one shots that anyone is welcome to pitch in with. The first 2 or 3 chapters I have planned, so after that you guys can mail me your suggestions for an alternate version of Burn. Chapter 2: Burnpool kills Cardin.
1. Journal entry 1

Ok, this is journal entry, 1 I guess. The names Burn, no more, no less. I'm a genetically augmented super soldier who happens to be part of a multi-dimensional task force known as the RWBY helpers. For those of you who are listening, or reading, our job is to take care of the unnatural, things that were not meant to happen and go against fate's grand plan, occurrences across the RWBY multi-verse. And since not many people know how alternate realities work, I figured I might as well explain.

Picture the human body as a multiverse, with the heart being the prime-verse, the very thing that created the multiverse and would cause the multiverse to disappear if it's destroyed. Then picture the other millions of people on planet earth as a different multiverse, each unique in its own way. Now picture space and everything else, as the Omniverse, an ever expanding force that exist outside of each multiverse. And then there's the centerverse, the heart of the Omniverse and creator of each prime-verse in each multiverse. If that universe were to be destroyed, then the entire Omniverse would fade away till nothing remains. But I don't think that will happen for a really, really, long time. I know this whole 'Omniverse' concept may be new to some of you, but it explains why television shows always have one different method of traveling between dimensions than the other. And what's fictional (fan fics, games, TV, books, etc.) in one universe, is real in another. So in the event that this is some fan fic that the Weiss Reacts cast stumbles on to, all those fan fics that you rage about, are actually real in alternate realities. Meaning that those alternate versions of you do exist and did do those things you read about. So, yeah.

Anyway, that's how the universe works. And whenever some random things happens in a fic and the author wasn't writing about it, or something that's not supposed to happen in a RWBY universe happens, that's where we come in. We go in, trying not to get involved in a fics plot or being noticed by primary characters, take care of the anomaly, and get out. Things don't always go as planned though, like during a few instances involving _ArchAngle117, _And that one incident with _thrawn92_ (hopefully he won't know I did that, accidentally) but we still manage to accomplish the mission. So, that's what we do basically. But, with all these different realities, different multiverses, I wonder if there is another me out there. Some different version of Burn who has a different life. What is he like, and how many of him are there? I have yet to meet an alter Burns, and I don't know if I ever will. Maybe, I'll meet one someday.

"Burn, we got another call for ArchAngel117, some kind of hostage situation. Better get ready."

Ok, I'll be right there! This is Burn of the RWBY helpers, signing off.

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><p><strong>And, here's the Alter Burn series. Any idea's for an alternate version of the intelligent, yet moronic, Spartan from the RWBY helpers? Just PM your suggestions and we'll talk. <strong>

**"Burn, why that A-hole. Why not write a fic about me instead?" **

**There will be a chapter that sort of involves you in the future. **

**"Yay! Wait, you're gonna make a Burn/Deadpool hybrid aren't you?"**

**DON'T SPOIL IT NUMBNUTS! **

**"Or what, or have you forgotten that I can't die?" **

**Nevermind, also criticism appreciated. And shout out to _ElfCollaberator_, one of the greatest writers of the RWBY fanfiction archives. **

**"Elf, he sucks." **

**He speaks very highly of you, referring to you as O-Deadpool-sama, which I believe is some kind of anime compliment or something. **

**"Elf, he RULES!" **

**That's what I thought. Anyway, bye. **


	2. Burnpool, the merc with a mouth

_Ok, so we're going to kill some crime boss version of Cardin, that D-bag from RWBY who picked on Jaune. Oh, I'm sure they'll thank us for this. _

**Can we break his legs, the haters will love it if we break his legs. I always liked that leg breaking meme. **

"Well if everything goes according to the script, then yes, we will break his legs at some point."

**Yay! **

_My god your voice is annoying. _

"Hello reader, my name's Burnpool. Basically, I'm some half-assed hybrid of Deadpool and Burn that Halogoji75 pulled out of his rectum. I'm like D.P. for the most part, except for the whole sex machine thing."

_We prefer killing and blowing things up as opposed to hot chicks. _

**Who needs a harem when you're on a killing spree? **

"I may not know exactly what a harem is, but I'm pretty sure it's something where an extremely large amount of girls fall in love with a single person and they have to decide who they will date without getting killed by the horde."

_I think we should focus on the job right now rather than explain ourselves to the reader. _

"Watch this, hey, _ShepardisaBOSS, _yeah I see you reading this. And I thought I was hideously disfigured."

_Should we be offending one of the only guys who follows this fic? _

**What's he goanna do, write a hate fic? **

_You do realize that his OC is a multidimensional demi god who could wipe us out of existence. _

"So, I'm Burnpool, his argument is invalid."

**Hey, you think they noticed that there are no censored words in this chapter? **

_Of course there are no censors; a Deadpool/Burn hybrid chapter shouldn't be censored. That would be blasphemy._

"So, fuck the censors!"

_Ok, we really need to get this fic started. _

"Alright, Halogoji75, start the damn thing already will you?"

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><p>Vale, one of the most disgusting hives of scum and villainy on Remnant. The very thing that keeps the crime alive here is the dusts, an enhanced drug that can either alter ones accent, make them see multiple colors, or cause people to make out with lamp posts. There are about 9 or 10 dust distributors in Vale, but 3 are the biggest suppliers. Rose, Winchester, and Arc. Recently, Rose and Arc came together on a joint business venture. Winchester still refuses to cooperate and is even starting to interfere with their shipments. It's time that he is removed from the picture. And so, they hire one of the best mercs in the business to take him out. The regenerating degenerate, Burnpool.<p>

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><p>Sky watched the streets in front of the warehouse closely, keeping wary of any attacks. After Cardin declared war on the RoseArc organization, every warehouse had been put on high alert. Being one of Winchester's best lieutenants, Sky had to be on his guard constantly. "Hey, why are we out here freezing our balls off again?" Asked Russell. Sky looked at his mohawked companion. "Because, Cardin heard that Rose hired a merc to take out his operation and we have to be ready in case he decides to show his ugly mug." He responded. "She didn't hire Mogar, did she?" Russell asked. "If she did, we would all be dead by now." Sky replied. "Oh thank god, I almost had a heart attack." Russell sighed. "So who did she hire?" "Some guy named 'Burnpool'." Sky replied. "That's stupid. What moronic fuck would name themselves 'Burnpool'?" Russell asked. He received no reply. Russell turned to look at Sky, only to see the spot where he was vacant. "Sky, where did you go man?" Russell asked, readying his rifle. He spotted a light on in the small shed normally used to house spare tires. "Sky, you in there?" Russell asked. He entered to find his blue haired companion sitting in a chair, completely limp, and holding a sign that said 'look behind you asshole.' Upon doing so, Russell's head was separated from his body. The assassin, a man wearing a black and red spandex (inverted Deadpool colors for those of you wondering) and had two katanas outstretched.

"Whelp, I wonder if the CRDL haters will like us for this, or the RWBY fans will hate us for killing of characters form the series." He asked himself. (_Maybe both) _a black box with red words appeared beside his head. {**Well, it's not like they can do anything about it.} **An inverted colors version of the previous box appeared shortly afterwards. "Well, we killed two of them, might as well take care of the rest." Burnpool then started making his way towards the warehouse.

Upon entering said warehouse, the mutate held up a picture of Cardin Winchester form the RWBY wiki. "Hey, has anyone seen this guy, cause I'm totally goanna kill him." He said to the extremely large amount of thugs in the building. (_Shout out to Deadpool: Typical Tuesday)_ Then the thugs all opened fire on him. Burnpool quickly dove out of the way and retaliated by firing SMGs while repeatedly saying 'BANG, BANG, BANG.' Several minions went down. One of the gunmen managed to hit Burnpool in the head, causing him to collapse in a heap. "How's that feel asshole?" He yelled. He immediately regretted it when Burnpool got back up and pointed his guns at him. "It actually tickled a little bit." He said before shooting him. {**Yay, healing factor!**} Burnpool then proceeded to gun down another 15. "WHO WANTS PINNAPLES?!" He screamed as he threw multiple grenades, causing the majority of the opposing forces to be blown to smithereens. (_Not really since there are a few organs flying around._)

Then a knife hit Burnpool right between the eyes, causing him to fall backwards. Dove then walked out of the corner and retrieved his knife. "So, much for this fucker." He said as he wiped the blood off the blade. {**Ok, how can this guy see?**} (_It's some kind of weird anime phenomenon where characters who appear to have their eyes closed have them open.) _{**Since when do we know so much about anime?**} (_We watch a small amount of Dragon ball Z during our spare time_) {**Oh, I forgot.**} (_How could you forget, that show is freaking awesome!_) {**Actually, I was saying what the reader was thinking.**} (_God, I hate you._) {**Back to the fic**.}

Before Dove could walk away triumphantly, Burnpool kicked his legs out from under him and jumped back onto his feet. Dove jumped back up and pulled out a machete. "Machete vs. katana, who will win?" Burnpool said as he pulled out one of his katanas. {**Why not use both?**} (_We're trying to make it a fair fight._) Dove swung his machete forward, only for Burnpool to block it, kick him in the groin, and cut off the hand holding the blade. Before he could decapitate him, Dove put his remaining hand up in surrender. "OK, I'll tell you where Cardin is, just don't kill me!" He begged. "So much for a epic fight scene." Burnpool said. "So, where is mister deushbag?" "His headquarters is at the docs, warehouse 18. You can't miss it. Now please let me go." Dove screamed. "Ok, but first, chimicanga?" Burnpool asked. He then kicked Dove's crotch a second time and shove said chimicanga in his mouth. As Burnpool exited the building, he pressed a detonator he pulled out of his pocket, sending the entire warehouse ablaze. {**Yay, explosions!**} (_If you say 'yay' one more time I will fucking mute you!_)

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><p>Burnpool arrived at warehouse 18. "No wonder he said I couldn't miss it, it looks like a freaking night club!" He said. {<strong>Ten bucks says Junior will be in there.<strong>} (_You're on._) As soon as Burnpool kicked open the door, the music cut abruptly. "Now the party don't start till I walk in." He sang. Then Junior ran up to him {**Hah, pay up.**} (_God dammit._) trying to hit Burnpool with a bat, but he was dispatched with a bullet to the head. "Now then, where is senior Winchester at?" He asked out loud. "T-top floor." The bartender replied shakily. Burnpool went upstairs and kicked the door down to find Cardin making out with Melanie Malachite. {**Shout out to Elf's ships.**} The two immediately stopped when they noticed the mercenary in the room. "Hi there, I'm here to kill you." Burnpool said with an overly cheerful accent. Cardin made a move to grab a pistol but was stopped by a bullet going through his hand. As Cardin screamed in pain, Melanie ran past Burnpool and out the building. (_Elf may not like Melanie ditching Cardin._) "Who cares, it's a fic where Cardin's a drug dealer. What made you think that Melanie wouldn't be a prostitute or some shit like that?" Burnpool said to his black box. "Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes, this!" It was then Burnpool broke Cardin Winchester's legs. {**Yay, leg breaking!**} (_Alright, that's it!_) While the black box muted the red box, Burnpool aimed a shotgun at Cardin's face. "Nighty night Mr. Winchester." He said. Cardin closed his eyes. Instead of bullets, confetti came out of the barrel. Burnpool then started laughing manically. (_Shouldn't we be killing him right now?_) "We will." Burnpool replied to his box. "Hey Cardin, hold this will you?" Then he tossed an extremely large amount of C4 towards the drug dealer, with a timer set for 5 seconds. In those few seconds he had, Burnpool activated his teleporter. (_We have one; we just didn't feel like using it earlier.) _Once outside the building, Burnpool watched as the upper half of warehouse 18 burst into flames. "And that's the end of drug dealer Cardin." Burnpool said. {**Mmph, mmph} **(_Fine, you can talk now._) {**Yay, dead Cardin!**} After that, Burnpool pulled a phone out of his pocket and started dialing a number. "Hey Rubes, I took care of Cardin for ya." Burnpool said into the phone. "_Excellent work Burnpool, Miss Schnee will deposit your payment where you specified."_ The young, but sinister, voice replied. "Awesome, thanks!" Burnpool then hung up.

"Alright, 500,000,000,000,000 lien and a few hundred gallons of Mountain Dew Voltage, I'd say this was a good start for this fic."

{**We kicked ass, and looked good while doing it!**}

(_And we got a bunch of shout outs as well, a good day indeed._)

"Whelp, I've enjoyed our time together, but it appears this one shot must come to an end dear reader. Good bye. And _ShepardisaBOSS, _I'm watching you."

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><p><strong>Well, here's the first of the alter Burn seires. Also, do you guys think I should replace Deadpool with Burnpool? <strong>

**"Why would you do that, I'm way more awesome than that knock off." **

**Just getting the reader's opinion. **

"That, and he like me more."

**"I should have known you would show up here." **

"Hey, he gave me fourth wall awareness or whatever that shit is called."

**Anyway, tell me what you guys think. Also, I mean no offense to ShepardisaBOSS. Burnpool does. I am in no way responsible for what he does at all. **

"You created me, of course you'll be responsible for what I do."

**Moving on. **

_**Next time in the Alter Burn series... **_

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><p>Velvet looked up at the menacing figure standing above her.<p>

"You're not real, you're just a ghost story."

"Oh, but I am so very real. And it is time for you to join your brethren, guardian.

The rabbit Faunus watched in horror as he raised his weapon, ready to bring it down upon her.

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><p><em>Burn: The Guardian Slayer<em>

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><p><strong>And that's whats next. Bye <strong>


End file.
